Elevator Pitch

January 29, 2025

If AI is everywhere, what might we expect in the elevator lobbies of the near future?

Mix-and-match from among the following exciting options to upgrade the LX (eLevator eXperience) in your building!

Base layer

Here's where we handle the core functionality, plus authentication and authorization.

Elevator Classic: Two call buttons, one up, one down. Inside, numbered buttons to select a floor, plus one button to hold the door open and another to make you think the door will close faster.

Authorization (Basic plan): Buttons are activated using badges or key fobs. To encourage mingling, the single authorization panel must be located on just one side, close to the corner, just over the growly dog ("he's friendly!").

Authorization (Hotel plan): Every third guest is invited to a repeat visit to the lobby for a new key card.

Zipper: The concierge tells you which button-less elevator car will take you to your destination.

Zero Trust Zipper: A security guard follows you to make sure you and you alone get into a Zipper that stops at no other floor but yours.

Transit Elevator/Restroom: Owing to the regrettable lack of public restrooms in downtown areas, this is merely a signage change reflecting current usage.

Elevator Retro: Widespread unemployment combined with make-work jobs programs (Universal Basic Income is so "before times") augurs the widespread return of elevator operators. Nice going, Teamsters!

App layer

Every other form of transportation offers scheduling options and an app -- why not elevators?

Virtual Lobby: With a real-time view of the elevator display panel and a remote call button, plan your trip down to the second.

Elevator API: An agentic flow infers from your location and activities whether you'll soon require an elevator based on awareness of what you're doing next and then connects directly to the elevator bank to arrange transportation on your behalf, alerting you when it's time to go.

The anti-social network: Maybe you like small talk, maybe you don't. See who else is waiting in the (real or virtual) lobby, so you can plan on being there -- or not. And if you add someone to your block list, you'll never ride with that person again.

Club Elevate: LED lighting, deep bass speakers, and generative beats timed to bring danceable excitement to your ride, with input from your own musical preference graph.

Risible: A programmable, build-your-own app layer to encourage innovation and fun experimentation.

Payments layer

Why is everyone getting a free ride on these high-class, expensive-to-operate elevators?

Pay-per-press: Sure, you get a discount voucher for a daily ride if you work in the building, but otherwise, pay up or take the stairs.

Multi-press call buttons: It's a widely held belief that the more often you press the call button, the faster the elevator arrives -- but what if that were true? Usually, elevators run slower than max speed to avoid wear-and-tear. But if you're willing to pay extra, put the pedal to the metal, never mind them brakes.

VIP WTF: Why should the fire department have all the fun? If you're a VIP, or have the credit limit of a VIP, your travel takes priority. A private car at your beck and call. You stop for no one.

Vertical markets

Where there's a scarce resource, there's an opportunity for financialization, also known as fi13n, or fizzon, pronounced "FIZZ-n" in the US, "FEE-zon" in ROW.

Asset sales: Building owners can easily convert loss-making operational expenses into quick financial infusions through a one-time, non-revocable concession using build-operate-transfer arrangements.

Securitization: Monetize elevator-driven cash flows into collateralized elevation obligations (CEOs) at the city, state, and national level. CEOs can be divided into tranches yielding risk-free securities plus exciting, white-knuckle assets for investors with alternative risk appetites, like teachers and government employees.

Derivatives trading: Along with a spot market, a forwards and futures market will allow elevator riders, building owners, vertical transport suppliers, and speculators to buy and sell options contracts on vertical transport, enabling users to more accurately manage their cost while bringing the broader benefit of price discovery.

LüfteCoin: I have no idea what practical use this has for anyone, but sure, we need a coin, right? How about you earn coins for going on rides and then sell them to gullible strangers? They're NFTs! They're collectible!

Next steps

How do we build all this?

That's easy.

First, get rid of all those pesky regulations that require everyone to use only safe and boring elevator controllers. (And if that sounds nuts, wait until you see what happens in banking.)

Second, hype up elevator transportation as the next big thing. Show hockey-stick charts with high-rise building occupancy in urban areas expected to increase due to big trends including commercial-to-residential conversions, return-to-office policies, forced relocations of undesirable elements, civil unrest, drone warfare, and something else, I can't remember but think it rhymes with glimate glange.

Third, attract investment with the simple and possibly true observation that if you nail the business model for elevators, you can extend it to work with any other point-to-point, multi-stop transportation. I'm sure it'll work for any mode -- as long as it's vertical.

As for me, I'm taking the stairs.